“No other way”

I was in debt.

And there was no other way out.

Or so I thought.

I guess there would have been some other way I could have taken.

But I didn’t see it.

Or maybe I didn’t look for it.

I needed to get out of debt.

That was all I could think about.

And I had a plan to do it.

All I needed was the right connections.

All I needed was to do it.

And I would be free.

Free from debt.

That was all I could think about.

That was all I cared about.

No consequences.

I didn’t think about that.

I didn’t care.

There was one thing to do.

And only one thing.

I had to put my plan in motion.

~~~
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“Just words”

It’s just words.

Nothing more.

Just words on a page.

That’s all.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Still seeing all those words I can’t help but feel peace.

It’s calming.

Reading those words gives me a calm that nothing else does.

It brings me into another world.

Another place.

A place where I’m calm.

Happy.

But in the end, it’s all just words.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

“Bleed”

All you need to do is write something honest.

Something with a feel to it.

Something that will make people feel they way you did when you wrote it.

Once you have that down on paper then you’ll know what it means to bleed for your art.

Then you’ll know what it means to be a writer.

Write something honest.

Something that will hurt.

Something that will make people think.

Feel.

And want more.

Then you’ll know what it means.

Then you’ll know what it takes.

“That wasn’t my motto”

Everything will take care of itself.

That was always my motto.

That was what I believed.

I always thought that was the truth.

If I didn’t do anything to fix it then it would take care of itself.

I didn’t know the reason everything seemed to always work out was that someone always made sure to fix it.

That wasn’t my motto.

That wasn’t what I believed.

But that was something I would have to realize.

Otherwise, I couldn’t be an adult.

And that was what I wanted to be.

Things don’t fix themselves.

I know that now.

But I didn’t know it back then.

~~~
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“I was in need”

I was in need.

But I didn’t know how to ask for help.

None had ever told me how to do it.

It was always ”do it by yourself,” or ”ain’t none’s gone help you.” That was all I was told.

So what was I going to do when I needed help?

I didn’t know how to do it.

None had ever told me how.

And I’d never needed it before.

I had always been able to take care of things by myself.

But this time I couldn’t.

This time I needed help.

And I didn’t know how to ask for it.

~~~
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“I saw them fight”

I saw them become other people.

I saw how they fought.

I saw how their friendship came to an end.

And there was nothing I could do.

I couldn’t talk to them because they didn’t want to listen.

Neither of them cared what I had to say.

So I had to sit back and watch how they stopped hanging out.

And finally stopped talking altogether.

I saw it all.

And there was nothing I could do.

I couldn’t help them.

Because they didn’t want my help.

They didn’t want to hear my advice.

So I had to watch them become other people.

I had to watch them fight.

~~~
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“She changed”

She changed.

And I didn’t.

I wasn’t ready.

I didn’t want to.

She changed.

And I wasn’t a part of the new life she’d created.

I was no longer a part of her life.

She didn’t want me in it.

And I didn’t want to change for her.

That was the end of us.

Neither of us was happy that it ended.

But we felt good.

It was liberating.

Finally, I didn’t have to watch the person I love become someone else.

Finally, I could hold on to the memory of the person she was.

She changed.

And I didn’t.